Discussing downsizing can be a sensitive topic, especially when your parents have strong emotional ties to what is often thought of as the family home. The sooner you start, the easier it will be when the time comes.
Never forget that you’re the child, and they’re your parents. You aren’t telling them what to do or making them do anything. You’re here to help them, and guide them to make the best decisions for themselves. Not make decisions for them.
→ Start the Conversation Early
Talking about downsizing can sometimes be an emotional discussion. Starting early and gradually introducing the topic can help them acclimate to it. If they know someone who has downsized, ask them about the positive impacts.
→ Make it about the future
Talk about making life easier. For example, you might ask, “Have you given thought to simplifying things for yourself as you get older, like moving to a home with fewer stairs or less maintenance, or a home that has a smaller garden and lower utility costs.”→ Highlight the Benefits
Talk about the lifestyle advantages they will have when they downsize, such as less upkeep, having more time for hobbies and social activities, and living in a smaller, easier-to-manage space.→ Plan
Be ready to suggest different living options, like a new, smaller home or a unit. This gives them financial stability and keeps their wealth in the family. Offering choices can help make the conversation easier.
→ Keep the Conversation Ongoing
The decision to downsize will take time. You will need multiple discussions before your parents are ready to take the first step. Keep the conversation open and ongoing, offering support and encouragement.→ Assess the Need for Downsizing
You can decide when to start the conversation about downsizing by evaluating your parents’ needs early on. Use examples of successful downsizing by others in their friendship group or neighbourhood as a way to start the conversation.→ Evaluate Mobility
Do mobility challenges make it difficult to keep their current home? Is the house too large for them to manage comfortably?→ Assess Health Needs
Would a smaller, more accessible home better meet their medical requirements? Does their current home have stairs or features that hinder navigation? Is it too expensive to heat and cool?→ Consider Financial Factors
Could downsizing provide financial relief, helping them manage their finances more effectively in the long run?→ Research Potential New Homes
Look at all available options, whether a new, smaller home, or a unit is best suited. Starting your search early will give you more time to evaluate the best choices and ensure your parents keep their wealth in the family. They worked hard for what they have, and shouldn’t give it away.→ Assess the location
Consider the proximity to family, friends, medical services, and amenities.→ Look at features
Consider what will make the home safe and comfortable for your parents. Is it wheelchair accessible? Are there provisions to add grab rails? Does it have a bedroom and bathroom on the main floor? Are there like-minded people living in the same neighbourhood to help create a sense of community and social activity that will keep your parents engaged?
→ Minimise Gardening
Eliminate large lawns and areas that require regular upkeep with pebbles or bark chips. For those who love gardening, consider adding elevated garden beds.→ Consult with experts
If needed, speak to an aging-in-place specialist or occupational therapist who can recommend making the home safer and more accessible. Many councils and local providers can provide home help plans, including basic housework, meal prep, help with shopping, and maintenance.→ Give Yourself Time to Make Decisions
Planning gives your parents the time and space to make thoughtful decisions. With time on their side, and your guidance, your parents can carefully evaluate all the options and choose what best suits their lifestyle. By removing the urgency, you help your parents make an informed and considered decision without being overwhelmed.→ Spec Homes
Buying a spec home has planning advantages. With an expected finish date, you know exactly how much time you have before the move, and if you get in early enough, you can make all the necessary aging-in-place modifications.
When I first talked to my parents about moving to a smaller place, I had no idea it would take two years for them to come around. I knew that as they got older, managing a big house would become difficult but I didn’t want to push them too hard since they were still independent and loved their home.
I started bringing it up gently. We would chat about it during dinner. I would mention how downsizing could free up their time and energy. But every time I did, they would brush it off. We are fine here, they would say, or this house is still good for us. The turning point came during a doctor's appointment. Their doctor, who knew them well, suggested they think about downsizing. He said the house was too big for them and mentioned some health concerns. They had been avoiding heating and cooling because of high bills. That hit me hard. I had no idea they were doing that. When the doctor spoke, it felt like a light went on for them. I saw it in their expressions. They were finally ready to think about moving. All those years of nudging hadn't gone to waste, but it took their doctor to help them face the truth.
After that, we looked at smaller homes that would be easier to manage and cost less. It was still emotional, but we went through it together—slowly and with a lot of talks. Looking back, I am glad I was patient and gentle. They needed time to accept it. Now, they are in a cozy new place, and I can see the relief on their faces. They have more energy and less stress and don't have to worry about keeping the house warm anymore.
It wasn't an easy topic to bring up, but it turned out to be the best choice for us all.
